Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Bucket List - Directing a film

Directing A Film
How easy is it? How hard is it? How possible is it? How impossible is it to direct a film?

If there is a bucket list for me, directing a film is one of them.

When I watch Wong Kar Wai, Yasujiro Ozu, (and most recently) Sofia Coppola, something inside me stirs. In the same way that reading Ruskin Bond does. In the same way that thinking about places does. In the same way that writing Sirion Diaries does to me.

And if ever, it would be nice to be recognized and acknowledged by people who matter in the film world. But at the end of the day I want to create worlds and capture a magic that life is and put it within frames.

At the most, make someone's day.

After all, nothing makes my day more than chancing upon a film (or a story) that moves and inspires me.

Directing - What's Not Cool?
Certain things about directing puts me off:
For example, raising my voice and ordering people around. Telling everyone what to do, and being an ass of a dictator. As much as I don't want to work under people like that, I don't want to be one. Maybe I will be too laid back that I wouldn't go beyond the first few shots and takes, and 'trust' the actors and the scenario and serendipity to work its 'magic'. Maybe I will be that type? Maybe I will not succeed if my main hero is 'chance'?

Maybe I will be that type of director who knows nothing and so excuses his lack of knowledge away by using airy-fairy words that only gets acknowledged (if ever!) in the creative appreciation classroom?

Maybe's
Maybe its just insecurity?

Maybe I wouldn't give a damn about what the right film should be used and whether it should be a Canon or a Nikon or a damn Fujifilm or Apple or what not? Maybe because I didn't care about these, I would never excel? Maybe I would never be that polished a director?

Maybe I will just let my affections and my intuition take over? Maybe if my film turns out pixelated and gets rejected from the imaginary film competition (that I hate the idea of, by the way, all the idea of competition, lets see who does the best job, lets give him a car!), I will thank God for its serendipitious effects that add character to the film? Maybe I will do it all on my own, strip it right back, enjoy beauty in its barest, take away all the unnecessaries, a camera on hand and the other empty handed...

Will there be audience? What, really, is the point of a film without the audience?

Or maybe I am overthinking?

Maybe I should just give it a shot?

I am not so young anymore. Am I not meant to know what I want to do by now, with a concrete resolution? I still have too many ideas and thoughts. Should I be grateful or panicked? Shouldn't I be starting to narrow in, to focus in to that one thing that I should devote my life into? That one craft? That one career? 

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