Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Why I'm All At Sea

So recently as a reader/observer of my blog(s) can tell, of late I have been looking at India a lot. My tumblr page has blogged and reblogged a lot of India related stuff.


Why is it that some days you are bit by this unexplainable nippy homesickness? Homesickness is not the best word because I don't feel melancholically nostalgic about India. Homesickness is also not the best word because 'home' has a double meaning to me now. Christchurch is as much my home. So I can't be homesick when I am at home..


I think its more of India-sickness.


Now, why is it that some days I am bit by this thing (that I will call a little dog, for imagination's sake) that runs after me so that if at any point I slow down or take a breather, this thing overtakes me and gets a fair bite of my behind?


Sometimes I have these strong impulsive desire to just decide that's it, I miss it too much. I will go back and revel in the heat and the bazaars! And just go back. You know, those romantic/idealistic ideas about going off somewhere back where no one knows who you are and you can be who you want to be.. Somewhere in Varanasi or Mussoorie or even Shillong..


But..


..I am all at sea now because I know that the moment I leave New Zealand (if ever I come to leave) I will miss it again. No amount of noise and craziness and India-ness will stop me missing here. Of that I am sure.


It's just like what I am feeling now; there was a time when I was pretty desperate to leave India. I still loved India then, don't get me wrong. I read India Today magazine regularly. I read Outlook Traveller. I read Ruskin Bond. My fascination for India was at an all time high then. So my wanting to leave India was not out of hate. It was just wanderlust.


So if I follow my whim and leave New Zealand (which I won't by the way, atleast not yet at this point) and land back in India, and the hype of returning home and seeing places and eating all the food is done, I know I will start to crave for fish and chips, for the Christchurch quietness (that I unfairly label: boredom), for the Southern Alps and even Sumner's beach.


That's why I am all at sea now. A bit distraught.. Haha


All I can do for now is reblog about India. Do a bit of Indian pop kitsch art to make me happy. And besides it isn't every day that I feel like this.


The grass always does look greener on the other side. But New Zealand is great. The best thing is that it is not demanding or imposing. You can be whatever you want to be. So you can even be an Indian pop art artist in NZ and its going to go off. That's the best thing about Christchurch.



Sometimes I come to think: India or New Zealand? Sometimes I just say, Do I have to choose?

1 comment:

Susan said...

I know exactly how you feel...