Tuesday, August 31, 2010


Christchurch is full of hipsters. Most of the older teenagers to young adults are.

But, nah, its not good stereotyping people. Except for people who openly flaunt being one.

Hipsterdom is a contemporary subculture that's been around since 2000 plus, but only recently been getting a bigger following. They are normally 18-30 year olds, who believe in non conformity, but not in a rebellious way. Huffington Post says: the "whole point of hipsters is that they avoid labels and being labeled. However, they all dress the same and act the same and conform in their non-conformity" to an "iconic carefully created sloppy vintage look".

On the surface value of that classification and description, I would easily fit into one of them, except that I refuse to. Haha, sloppy vintage look, they say. If you go to C1 or walk down High Street, you see them. There was once this store on Bedford Row called Franztormers that started off pretty cool, but is now shut. Run by hipsters, who sit out on their couches on the side of the walkway and bring out their guitars, and smoke in their wayfarers. Slightly fake, I thought. Nonetheless, they have my affections compared to the urban street or uni lots. Atleast they are independent and non-conformists.

I watched a performance the other time which I suppose was an exampled of what hipsters do to entertain themselves. It showed a small room packed with hipsters, and they were watching a girl do a spoken word and performance. Well, what else would you call it: She was opening a can of tomato (a reference to Andy Warhol's tomato can art, perhaps) in a very very sloppy and slow manner while she spoke what seemed like spontaneous verbalization of her emotions. She opened the can and emptied on the floor at her feet, and then whilst talking, she proceeded to take her top off (she had a bra on) and got on her knees to wipe the tomato from the floor, staining her white top red. Everyone in the room watched with breathless silence. The girl then faked several sexual behaviour while on her knees and put her top back on. She then smeared black soot over her top making them stained with black and red. These took about ten minutes after which she walked off from the room, pressing her way through the bewildered crowd who all were unsure about how to respond. Somebody clapped from the corner and then there was an uproarious applause, and shouts for an encore.


500 Days Of Summer is a good look at hipsters. It is funny how in actuality, they are all conformists in a non-conformist manner. For example, 90% of people who listen to The Smiths (and similar groups from the 80s, 90s rock) never did so, until it was made popular by a film like that. Suddenly after the film came out, hipsters were blogging about how they love the song There Is A Light That Never Goes Out.
Despite saying all that, I have learnt never to classify people again (except only in researches conducted in colleges and uni) because everytime I get to know a person well, I realise that the subculture/ideal that this person seemed to align towards does in no way defines him/her.. and subcultures can never be the complete description of any human being. They always go way deeper beyond any stereotype.

About leaving.

I leave for Auckland in one week's time. Next Monday 6am. Dropping off at Wellington and then catching another plane to Auckland. Landing and going straight to work. The idea of going straight from the plane to work is slightly exciting.

I haven't really thought about very well. About leaving Christchurch. I think it would sadden me to think about it. I would hate to look down on the landscape of Christchurch when my plane takes off.

Oh well. Not thinking about it.

Monday, August 30, 2010

SALT BOOK and writers of Majestic

This blog post is for and about writers of Majestic Collective.

The idea of a book came to me because we have been seeing people write in Majestic Collective, and they never really get enough chance to show case what they do, and love doing. Well, I know Gemma has gotten a lot of her writings turned into spoken word and performances for mX services, and I know Tania, when she lived in Christchurch, had a lot of writings turned into dances and art pieces. I know Daniel Hollis has had a few of his poetry and fiction published in the Majestic Magazine. I know Adeline had some writing on Majestic Magazine too. A few people (including the magazine team, of course) write on a regular basis in the church magazine. (And thats great. Salt Book would not be a rebellious break away from the church official magazine sort. It is just another art form. Another media that will co-exist.)

If you are getting the vibe of where I am at, you will notice that writing has not so much really been showcased and exhibited for what they actually are. They have always been a part of a wider performance or been used for/as some secondary purpose.

Here, don't get me wrong, because I am not de-limiting the importance of writing being used as a secondary medium and to 'assist' art forms like dance and drama. That certainly is a great way that writing is being made use of, especially in Majestic.

However, where I am going at with this point is that we also want to see some exhibition of writings that Collective artists have done and want to see them stand on their own. Purely as writings. Purely as words on paper. Let them speak for themselves and stand for themselves.

The dream of a book/magazine came quite collectively. The dream of a magazine has been in the hearts of many Source group members for years. I know many people are addicted to magazines (addicted in a good way haha). I know many people who would love to design magazines. I know lots of people who would love to write novels and short stories. I know a lot of people who would love to see their thoughts turn into words and print. I know lots of people have unnatural affinity for all sorts of paper and texture. For fonts and photos. For smell of books.

With subdued dreams and passions like that, it isn't possible to let it be.

As they say: The pen is the mightier than sword.

There are many people who dance can never get to. There are many for whom art just don't appeal to. Many who can't be reached by spoken word. There is a gap that only writing can fill.

I want to smell fresh prints and feel the texture of paper and hear typists going bonkers and listen to a gathering of editors, designers, artists and marketeers. I feel so gutted that I will be missing out on great things that will be happening at Majestic, for the coming years (how long I don't know). I feel gutted that I never know where life will take me from Parachute Music.

I talk to Elly all the time about creativity in our church, and she tells me that people think our church is going too hip hop. It is ridiculous. Its just because people aren't stepping up and upping their game. Is it because the only people doing things are the hip hop lots? The moment people blame the church of going one way in terms of arts, and they don't like it, people need to step up so that it balances out! And if not the church keeps losing people because they can't 'stand' the electronic music and the hip hop.

I hope that SALT Book will be the start of something in Majestic. We don't have to wait for Salt every year for a book or a magazine. It wasn't hard to put together. All we needed was dedication and interest from the team members. And that was clearly there when we made this.

About Completing whatever you are doing, and not leaving it hanging unfinished

Finally finished designing SALT BOOK. It feels so good to have finished something. To me, there is nothing like finishing a job, and that too finishing it well. Because I have no problem coming up with ideas and visions and starting up grand idealistic things, but then working them through and finishing them to the final stage is always a challenge. I try to make sure I finish them though.

But when I look back in my life and see small projects and works that I left hanging, unfinished I feel really stink. Something inside me that bothers me when I remind myself of them.

That's why I love to do something and do it to completion. And I cannot stand when some people are just happy to talk a lot and start something, gather hype and all that, and when it comes to the real deal, nothing substantial really comes out of it.

I am not the best in getting things done. But I can say that where it matters (or where I think it matters most) I have tried and managed to finish whatever I had been doing.

This morning my Bible verse was that the one who started the work in me will bring it to completion. God is the ultimate one to start something and follow through til the finish. I hope this will be a philosophy in my life too, that I will be a person who does any job, big or small to a proper completion.

Oh man, what's another word for completion? I seem to be using that word too much on this post already.

"accomplishment, achievement, fulfillment, consummation,finalization, resolution; finish, end, conclusion, close, cessation."
says Apple Dictionary.

Thanks, Apple.

Friday, August 27, 2010


Oh man. I am excited about Open Mic tonight. Sarah and I are doing a crazy cover of Ke$ha's Tik Tok with pinches of Where is the Love? and some gansgta songs now and then. For fun of course. Because we wouldn't waste our time trying to cover songs like that properly.

So Sarah is one of the most craziest and wackiest person I have ever known, definitely one of the craziest girl I know. Her achievements: •dressing up as a Box of gift at the 'B' party, •dressing up as Steve Irwin with the wig, hat, hair on her shin, and stubble all across her face, •playing keyboard with her foot at a fake Paramore performance. And she says she is very shy.

We are known as the Master Duo at Majestic. Oh well, pray tonight won't be a flop.

Monday, August 23, 2010

About Oh Bid!

Oh Bid! happened last night. It was much talked about. So cool. Thanks to all who gave their time and helped make it happen. It was a success, we made the money we needed to make. We had good fun. Good turn out. Made news. Cool.

Friday, August 20, 2010

'Obama is a Christian' from Yahoo India

Barack Obama is a Christian. Now that's comforting, isn't it?

About a photoshoot and next few weeks

Tonight is our first photoshoot for Salt Magazine. My friends in facebook must all be over Salt magazine already because that's all I have been thinking about and status-ing about in the last few weeks.

But then, who cares.

Tonight we drive to Cashmere to do the first lots. Mark and I will be running photography, Mark will do most of the lighting, I will probably do the clicking. Sarah and Abby are models for tonight. Quite reluctantly done but I am convinced they will pull it off very well. Gemma will give advice here and there, as and when necessary.

The girls are figuring out what they will be wearing now.

I started designing the SALT BOOK too. First few pages done. It's going to look awesome. I am not sure how the photoshoot will turn out, but I am confident in the team we have. Its a group of people who aren't going to compromise on originality for the sake of convenience. I am also confident that this is what I want to be doing. Magazine for art's/cool sake under the umbrella of the church.

There is a lot lot to look forward to while in Christchurch. Perhaps I will not even think that I am leaving the city at all until the very moment I leave and am in the plane.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

About design (functional and intuitive) and God and people

I have thought about this issue in the last few weeks. I am still thinking about it now, especially this morning. It is in relation to what God has called his people to be.

As a designer I know that a design and elements in that design needs to serve a purpose to communicate most effectively. I believe in the minimalistic idea of design where the least will speak the most. I believe, if not only in minimalism, in functionality in design.

But as much as these I also greatly believe in childlike decorative design. Design elements added to the message as subjective interpretation, termed loosely 'for fun'. There is spontaneity in that. There is joy in that. There is something human in that. But they also send out messages that are subjective and tainted by perception.

WHen you are tormented by extremes like these, you are forced to find a balance. But where can the balance be? Can there be a middle way? Well for now I will just say there is no middle ground here. For argument's sakes. I am over the solution that we always have whenever we meet dead ends with extremes like this, that we need to find the middle way through everything. The middle way is the answer to everything... But really?

For arguments sake, atleast, lets say there can be no middle ground.

People will say: A bit of functionality and a bit of innocence will do a design good.
No it won't. These two can't survive together. It is the law of nature. Subjective innocence and objective functionality can never be dissolved together in a solution. One is always going to rule the other out.

How frustrating.

So what does this have to do with God in our lives? A lot.

Design was just an example. What are we to God? Functional beings created to serve a purpose? Or subjective scribblings made with intuition and feeling.

At first glance it is easy to say God has made us with intuition and feeling as opposed to just objective and for functionality. But you have to remember, the other one is not superior to the other. When you look at yourself, you are as objective as anything else. The world is objective and also bound by natural laws. God himself made laws and structure. God himself made purposes for people and generations, as we have seen in stories and testimonies.

Which brings us to the question. What is the purpose of man in the sight of God? Is it to slave away in church and pray at 5am in the morning and have no single hour to 'enjoy' for ourselves? Or is it to live a quiet simple slow life, in daily fellowship with God, taking it slow? Is it to become totally and literally sold out with events and church stuff, or to take a step back from routine and to crave for personal time?

You can almost say the first option is more functional. The other one is more intuitive. And I say again, not any of them is more superior to the other. A person slaving in the church is doing so much for God. The person taking it slow could say the same, enjoying the presence of God in his life. The church guy can also say the same: I feel the presence of God in my life when I give myself away.

And I won't have the answer: The right mix of both will be perfect. I feel Christians say that too much and shy away from actually answering anything. How can you have a right mix and still feel right about it?

So, the question is: What designs are we to God?

Yes, we are obviously created for purpose. We have things to do here on earth and God pours out his Holy Spirit on us so that we can be equipped for functionality sakes. He lives in us so that we can 'do' things for him more.

Yes, we are also created to bring joy to God. The Psalms says he sings over us, and the character of God is seen in us, the fruit of the Spirit living in us brings about joy and peace and love and patience.

When Moses met God and he asked 'Who are you?', God replied: I AM.

Humans bend around rules and laws. Rules and laws bend around God. He is not being unfair like a corrupting politician or law-giver. He paid for the laws to be bent with his own life.

An Interview With Self

So, what's on?
-Well I am very very busy lately and haven't got time to even stay home except purely to come and sleep and shower and brush my teeth.

Why have I been busy and what for?
-Well I am putting together a book/magazine for SALT conference that will be artsy and stylish and poetic and all that. So I am organising the team together and running after writers and photographers and stylists to make things happen. I will also eventually be designing the book with another two graphic designers.

Is that all?
-Nah, for that magazine to get published, I have also organised an art auction & exhibition event this sunday night August 22 (www.salt.org.nz) at C1 and raise atleast just the basic amount we need to print it.

What is C1?
-Good you asked. It's my favourite cafe in Christchurch. It is also the best cafe in New Zealand (voted officially for two or three years in a row).

What is happening at the art night?
-Wow! In a questioning mood tonight, aren't we? Well, what's happening is, we are auctioning three pieces of art off. Also there will be, on display, about ten art pieces and smaller memorabilia's and postcards for sale. Nadia Reid will be performing live music. She is a folk/indie singer originally from Dunedin (cool town).

Hm... What else?
-What else?? Well, I am just sitting up, going to sleep soon. Got a voluntary early day tomorrow. Going to head to the art studio to work on the auction pieces by 8:50am.

What did you do today?
-Ah yeah! Today was pretty interesting. Rino, Singsing, Han and Agus planned to go to Banks Peninsula for tramping (the true Kiwi way). So I woke up at 6:45am to make it to the prayer at Majestic for Salt Conference. Then hung a bit at C1 for morning coffee and headed back to get ready for the peninsula. And then realised that its getting called off because of the rain. So, we decided to not let the rain hamper how much fun we had. We went to Little India and I had Chicken Biryani. It was spicy and made me so proud to be Indian haha. And then we watched Mamma Mia - the musical film. Was well made. Well performed too. We also watched Love Aaj Kal. Second time to watch it. Had a good time laughing at it (because Singsing was around too and its easier to spot stupidities in Indian cinema if there are likeminded people around), but all in all it was an ok movie. And after that we had dinner (cooked by Rino and Sing, while I cleaned the dishes after), and I had a meeting with the Salt magazine crew for a photoshoot this weekend. Very excited about it because it is a great team. No one overbearing, and everyone with specific talents and contribution they put to the table. Got dropped off from the meeting to Nate's place where I watched an Australian film (sort of a musical) and another NZ made film. I like NZ made films. They are clever in a non-showy way. The film was The Strength of the Water or something.

And what's on tomorrow?
-I don't know for sure. But I do know I will be doing the art for auction night, and organising photo shoot.

What's on your mind?
-Salt official magazine, photo shoot, Christchurch, my iPod (where in the world is it!?) and few other bits and pieces and fragments and imaginations and thoughts (of course they would be thoughts, because its my mind. )

Ok man. Better head off to sleep. Any last word?

Friday, August 13, 2010

your friendship is incomparable

sometimes i don't know who i am. i have given up what i used to be.
my heritage is not of the past, but your statutes have become my heritage.

don't look to the back. though it calls you on and on and makes you cringe.
i look ahead. a mountain clothed in silver and white and purity.
thousands of miles to climb. and the joy in doing so.

things aren't done happening. they still are.

your voice will guide my very step, my very thought.
your friendship is incomparable.

Forever Reign

Oh, I'm running into your arms,
I'm running into your arms
The riches of your love will always be enough
Nothing compares to your embrace
Light of the world forever reign.

(Hillsong Live)

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Birthday posts

So, there were 162 wall posts on my facebook. I don't know if that was much or that's normal, cos its the first time I ever counted. But yeah there were about 162 people who wrote on my wall saying Happy Birthday.

And then my brother Pouchun comes along and spams my wall with about 20 more. haha

Saturday, August 7, 2010

from facebook, stolen hahaha hilarious names

All these names are absolutely real (taken from the electoral lists)!

Independent Lapang
Only Rynjah
Jumping Nongkseh
Look And Like Wahlang
Useful Kharbani
Speaker Mangu
Three Daughter Jamu
First Born/Last Born
Recomend Lyngdoh
Norming Mawiong
Experience Kharsyntiew
Meditranean Thabah

Filter Rani
Banker Sten
Nickel Marak
Submarine Marbaniang

Jean Rousseau R. Marak
Adolf Lu Hitler R. Marak
Lenin Marak
Stalin (213 occurences)
Napoleon (35 occurences)
Queen Elizabeth Tado
Gandhi (135 occurences)
John Keniti Sangma
Jimmi Cartar Marak

Asansing Marak
Biwtiphulmery Iawphniaw
Meltimeris Lyngdoh
Univercy Marbaniang
Enjoyning Langi
Expray Shadap
Wiriancy Chyne
Civiliancy Chyne
Freeniancy Chyne
Molify Kurbah
Meristylla Jana
Kriseful Dkhar
Antiful Dkhar
Enterful Thangkhiew
Carebistifull Jyrwa
Aljurence Sangma
Pistonwell Nongkseh
Tenderwel Makhroh
Langstarwell Nongkseh
Centrewell Doloi
Metaphisis Nongkling
Fisherbor Syngkli
Endersistar Sohkhwai
Circumferen Lyngdoh
Chesborn Mawiong
Lanforming Marwein

Kontralin Syiemlieh
Forgetminot Nongkreh
Monsoonstar Lyngskor

Pornish Marak
Anus Marak
Bowel Lyngdoh
Ass Sukhlain
Hippinish Marak

Harness Sylliang
Planning Manner
Kronickson Sangma
Devisory Bordoloi
Revenue Namsaw
Daswelington Shylla
Seminer Marsing
Backing George Momin

Nameless Myrsing

courtesy: Philippe Ramirez

Philippe Ramirez is a French anthropologist researching on Khasi culture.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Jesus Camp - The Documentary

Last night I watched Jesus Camp. Here is what Wikipedia says Jesus Camp is:
Jesus Camp is a 2006 American documentary film directed by Rachel Grady and Heidi Ewing about a charismatic summer camp for children who spend their summers learning and practising their "prophetic gifts" and being taught that they can "take back America for Christ."[1] According to the distributor, it "doesn't come with any prepackaged point of view" and tries to be "an honest and impartial depiction of one faction of the evangelical Christian community".[2]

Jesus Camp debuted at the 2006 Tribeca Film Festival, and was sold by A&E Indie Films to Magnolia Pictures. Controversy surrounding the film was featured in several television news programs and print media articles in 2006.

On January 23, 2007, Jesus Camp was nominated for the 2006 seventy-ninth Annual Academy Award (Oscar) for Best Documentary Feature.[3] It lost to Davis Guggenheim and Al Gore's An Inconvenient Truth.


You don't need to have watched the film to understand what I am writing here: they are mostly general ideas that does not necessarily correspond to the film alone. I have taken the chance to write about the mostly negative connotations that media give out when they talk about church movements and Christianity.. so its pretty general.

Ok, about Jesus Camp: I appreciate and acknowkedge what the distributors say, that they are trying to be honest and doesn't come with any prepackaged point of view. If you have seen the documentary you will know what I am talking about: this film touches a lot of sensitive nerves in the church. By impluse I was tempted to raise the wall of defence when I thought about writing a review on it. But then I figured I don't need to. Truth is what truth is.

Yesterday too, some of my friends went to listen to a talk about Islam (as part of Islam Awareness Week thing at Uni). They came back laughing their heads off because the speaker kept proclaiming, (and I quote what they say the speaker said) "I cannot tell you what the heart of Islam is, but I can tell you what it is not!". And when people tried to raise the question of how violence s promoted in Islam, he insisted that he wants to tell people what Islam is not, and not what Islam is.

I sort of see from what angle he is coming from. And I agree that people's mindset about Islam need to change because what I know of Islam in my interaction with Muslim friends in India is that they are a disciplined lot and take their faith seriously. They take fasting seriously. They take their holy months and pilgrimage seriously. And I can say there are 90% of us Christians who can learn from that discipline and fear of God.

But again, I don't want to repeat the mistake of insisting I talk about what Christianity is NOT to defy the allegations and perception that the media suggests about the church and us. It's like what Philip Yancey wrote in his book: God does not need to prove himself.

So, though there were many things that pricked me in the Jesus Camp documentary, I am not going to put up a defence. What you saw there were what you saw. (Though I also say that use of music and film making techniques could help determine audience response too. For example, there was a scene where in the background there were sound effects of people praying and poeple speaking in tongues, while the visual showed kids in the dorms, with lights out, playing with their torches and making faces in the eerie light. The kids were obviously having a playful fun time, while the film making technique would almost suggest a sense of strangeness and other-worldlyness in what they were doing. But I am not going to go down too strong on film making. All I have to say is film making is a very powerful tool, and can make people think what you want them to think, with a right mix of music and visuals.)

I do agree that Christians have always divided up humanity into the 'saved' and the 'unsaved'. Us versus them. Church versus the world. Thats one thing, I am happy, the documentary smashed hard on.

You have Christian metal. You have Christian literature. You have Christian schools. You have Christian cafe's. We have Christian localities in cities. You even have a Christian music version of Guitar Hero. I am serious.. There is one.

What are we bunch of pansies, that we have to make soft versions of every frikkin thing on earth for ourselves? How unrelatable are we that we have to make our own worlds?

The whole point exactly, of why Jesus planted the church is so that we can be soluble in the world and be shining lights in the dark places.

To be dissolved into the world systems. To be light. Not to make a new system. Not to build a country of just Christians. Not to make a building where like minded Christians can come together and share life together and have happy wee times. Of course that is part of the plan. But if anything, Jesus wants to break down the walls of the church buildings and scatter those inside out into the world. Pentecostal happened so that I can become more relatable to the person walking on the street. Pentecostal happened so that who I used to be is dead and I can be a bigger person able to relate to other people, something I couldn't do earlier with my own effort.

There was no Jesus Camp in Jesus' plan. There was no World Camp vs Jesus Camp. There never was World Camp vs Church Camp.

Thats why I am overjoyed that America is getting over the phase where they call themselves Christian nation. I hope that Christians will from now try and stop taking things for granted and start to notice that there are PEOPLE who run the country, not just names and theologies. Not just labels, but people for whom they should show respect.

Its not just America. I think its because Americans are more outspoken, so anything they do and say is more recognisable. Which is good because the easier the problem is recognised and diagnosed the quicker you recover.

Young people passionate about something bigger than themselves. The film also showed passionate young people on fire for God. That was amazing to see, though it might have seemed unnerving to the general audience. They were barely in their teens. And there they were speaking words bigger than themselves. You might say they are babbling things they can't comprehend, saying things they don't know they are saying. But again, doesn't any other kid do that anyway? The media is strewn with lyrics and words and ideas that aren't necessarily fitting for younger people. What kid can say they completely understand the meaning of the songs they are singing? Or completely comprehend the depth and profundity of films they watch?

I'd say I'm happier to see them speak words about God though they don't understand, if they are otherwise going to go speak words about other stuff that they don't understand anyway.

That's one of my philosophy. Every person ever born is going to get influenced and (though I hate to say it) brainwashed by one thing or the other. All you can really do is choose what to be influenced by.

(So... Does God brainwash? Do I really believe that? I will write another post for that one.)

I too believe that the Church is the answer to the world's problem. But it cannot be realised as long as we keep stressing about theologies and separating ourselves from the world, and trying to defend God to people who just don't buy the idea of a God.

I don't see the Church being called to equip, empower, solve, fix and save the world as much as it is called to simply love and show love.

Simplistic love is and always have been and will always be the best solution we can give the world. Simply love.
Documentaries like Jesus Camp will be made again and again. And I think its a good wake up call, because all we need to notice our faults and mistakes and loop holes is someone else's perspective. But God has bigger things in store than having his church spend all energy defending the cause. God needs no defense. He does not need to prove himself.


PS. Most allegations made against the church are most of the times made based on some hurried or well intentioned (but wrongly interpreted) statements made by church and Christian leaders. It doesn't mean we have no respect for the Church leaders and people who go under the (mostly negative) spotlight all the time from the media. Paul writes in the New Testament that he and his colleagues are always being put (analogically) at the arena with the tigers in display for everyone to look at and mock and jeer, while the rest of the church live away and squander like kings and princes. When you are in leadership role and on centre stage it is easy for people sitting down to point out mistakes. I speak the same not just for Christian leaders, but for Hindu, Moslem and other leaders.

Show some respect for them. They are only humans and can say things that aren't the smartest things to say, and can make mistakes.


with Le Specs 3D glasses (FREE with Remix magazine 3D special issue)

Thursday, August 5, 2010

heart attack quote

"You gave me a fright, baby. You almost gave me a heart attack.
I wasn't scared, no. But you popped up and your presence altered
My proximity tremored when you turned up."

Favourite Cars (Morris)

Morris is a British car company that is also closely linked to Austin and Leyland.

Morris has my my few favourite cars. Have a look:

(ignore that woman on the front. I have NO idea who she is, but thats the only satisfactory photo I can get)

Morris 1100 & Morris 1300

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Monday, August 2, 2010

About Music

Been listening to music a lot lately. There were times when music disappeared from everything I did. Especially last year when I wasn't having an exactly fabulous year. There were days that I heard music and just heard through to the pointlessness of the noise and the message that lingered between the tones. Pointlessness in the noise that I make in attempt to make music.

Music didn't give relief to the soul, nor did it unburden the worries from one's heart. In fact it added more stress and pressure.

Yet, looking back, I have to say music has in one way or the other, always been my muse. Even though I have denounced music now and again and again, I find that ultimately music defines the influence I am under and the my mode of thinking. It shows where I am journeying at. And the very fact that sometimes I saw the pointlessness of music beckons to the truth that music is only a medium. It isn't water. It is only the bucket.

This explains my fascination with music that I don't necessarily comprehend, and music that does not spell things out too clearly for me. Like sound tracks from films that make you imagine places and situations. Like hindi music and oldies music from America and Europe (with words that I only half understand) that make me imagine the past and see the unseen through my imagination. Foreign sounds that makes me see things I wouldn't normally see when I listen to popular music.

That way, for me, music became the bucket to carry my imagination (the water) forward. To take my imagination places. It seemed fulfilling most of the time. Most of the time.

But I couldn't possibly live on that. Imagination, like water runs stale too easily. That was why I got tired of music too easily, too many times.